3. Stand in the Gap. Isn’t it true that you are the most normal person you know – and everyone else is just a little bit weird? Why then can’t everyone just be normal ... like me! Because no-one sees the world as you do. Anais Nin said: “We see things not as they are – but as we are.” Life happens and we interpret it through a unique lens, a paradigm, a value system that lets us decide what’s right and wrong, good and bad, normal and abnormal. That value system develops through adulthood, but is generally signed and sealed - locked & loaded by the time we celebrate our tenth birthday... hands up who wants to go home immediately and spend more time with their kids! Who you are today is a product of what happened when you were young. Simplistically put, Generational theory maintains that people of similar age share a similar value system because of the profound impact that certain global events had on that first vital decade of life. Think of the World Wars, the Great Depression, Apartheid, the advent of TV, PC’s the lunar landing or the challenger exploding, Diana’s death and September 11. These events changed the world, they changed how parents parented, teachers taught and pastors preached and the greatest impact was on the children. How often haven’t you heard it said: “The only constant in life is change” – and yet we’re loathe to accept it. Adults assume they understand youngsters because they too were young once, but the world that existed when today’s grown-ups were growing up, no longer exists. Truth is, your children will not grow up to be like you, the world is changing too fast for that. You may be living in the same house, or working in the same office – but you’re living in different worlds. A great starting point to bridging the generation gap that threatens so many relationships today, is understanding that we probably won’t understand. Recognize that different generations grew up in different times and developed different value systems. I received two e-mails recently, relating to the same subject, one wrote: “Hey Mike, where’d you get that funky shirt you wore on Top Billing last week?” The other: ”Dear Dr Mol, I couldn’t help but notice that the shirt you wore on last week’s program was badly torn – surely the director must pick up that obvious mistake?” Now I’m venturing a wild guess here, but judging from the dissimilar dissertations – I’m assuming the first caller is a generation X’er, in jeans and a t-shirt sitting at a coffee shop surfing the net on his Wi Fi enabled laptop listening to U2’s “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for” (hopefully he’ll find the shirt!) The second, a Boomer, is sitting in a leather chair at a mahogany desk, dictating the message to his secretary while “Hey Jude” echoes through the office. One shirt, two contrary reactions – one generation gap. And there it is, in black and white ... a blatant generalization! Yes, that’s what generational theory is – an overlay, and extra tool in the toolbox of trends. I’d be the first to admit that there are many people who are wrinkled on the outside but young on the inside, just as there are people who are old at heart, but young in finance (I mean form!). What about the “go betweens,” those of us born IN the gap between the generations? We’re called Cuspers, born on the verges of the bell curve. A blend of both, and a combination of characteristics from both eras. Bottom line, it’s more about attitude than it is about age, but age is the easiest divider when it comes to separating the generations, and exposing the gap. As resistant as we are to being labeled and categorized, generational theory is a helpful step in the right direction on the path to understanding people older or younger than you are, and it starts with understanding yourself – where you fit in, and why you’re so normal – unlike everyone else of course... The Silent Generation : 1930’s and 40’s They grew up during the depression and the second world war when children, ‘should be seen and not heard.’ They learnt in the midst of failed banks and businesses, not to trust others for their security, so they save, pay cash and have a conniption if a cheque bounces. They’re fairly authoritarian, governed by rules and in turn respect all authorities. They do what they’re told without question, are paternalistic and were obedient to both parents. They are conformist, reasonably aloof, loyal and hard-working. Midlife, during the awakening of the 1960’s and 70’s, was an anxious ‘ passage ‘ for a generation torn between stoic parents and passionate juniors ( Boomers). These early-marrying, ‘ lonely crowd,’ types, adhere to a code of non-violence, preferring to appeal to the intellect – a characteristic of a generation that produced some of the greatest minds of the 20th century (Churchill, Roosevelt, Jan Smuts). Definitely not spendthrifts, their attitude to money is that it’s there for insurance against a rainy day, something you earn slowly – not what you make in an overnight fortune. Easy money is an insult, “you earn your stripes and pay your dues” – is a phrase they’re likely to utter. According to Silents, you don’t move jobs – you work (or plod) your way up the corporate ladder with slow and incremental increases in salary. Their attitude to computers … something my secretary needs in order to do her job. The Boomers : 1950’s and 60’s Probably the most well-known and analysed generation in history, they were raised on Dr Spock permissiveness, which, along with the Pill, led to the sexual revolution of the swinging 60’s. “We want you to have everything we never had” is the tune their parents brought them up on – and now they do. They grew up in affluence (South Africa’s annual growth rate was about 14% in the 50’s and 60’s and the Rand was stronger than the dollar, at times even the Pound) They’re seen by other generations as loud, brash, highly individualistic. They flaunt their assets – flashy cars, and designer labels to die for doll. (Boomers were the first generation to put labels on the outside of clothing, and the first to create “Brand managers” in the business world) They never stop talking and are always right. They believe there’s a solution to every problem (Neil Armstrong is their icon and they believe if man can walk on the moon, ‘ we can do anything.’) They’re happy with authority, as long as they have it themselves, which they do, step into the limelight the young heads of state – George Bush, Tony Blair. Despite a rebellious adolescence, they’re highly moralistic and idealistic and are now legislating against the excesses of their own youth – banning smoking, fighting sex, swearing and violence in movies. They’re more highly educated than any other generation in history, run the media and are lords of the 10 second sound bite. They’re enthusiastic, energetic visionaries – championed by the Oprah Winfreys of the world, who sing to the same tune of Annies theme song “The sun will come out tomorrow!” They’re hopeless nostalgics, their eyes often glazing over with the words “In the good old days…” On computers … they know just enough to be dangerous. Generation X : 1970’s and 80’s The defining characteristic of Xers, one of the most berated generations in history, is that they don’t have one. X is the unknown factor, the variable in the equation. In South Africa, they were old enough to remember apartheid and be judged as having been part of it, but not old enough to have fought for or against the struggle. You know you’re an X’er if images of Liewe Heksie and the Gummi bears float through your mind, or you had to beg your parents to let you stay up and watch Dallas or Magnum PI. You’d say “Shot bru” or “Kiff” to someone doing the moonwalk. Unlike their parents who were molly cuddled as children, X’ers grew up on their own - ‘latchkey kids’ who returned to empty homes while their parents worked long hours to sustain the yuppie dream. As divorce statistics soared (thanks to workaholism), X’ers have become sceptical of relationships, dating and marrying cautiously and their peers have become surrogate families. They’re risk takers and love challenges, choosing to spend their money on experiences, as opposed to Boomers who spend theirs on showy assets. Where the silent generation deified Superman, and the Boomers Barbie & Ken, the X’er idolize Bart Simpson with his irreverent and self reliant attitudes living life to the war cry of “Whatever!” Growing up in a world in flux technologically, politically and socially – they’ve come to accept and expect change … even need it, and consequently X’ers get bored easily, nothing keeps their attention for very long. Apart from their cynicism, they’re adaptable, independent and pragmatic – not living to work, but working in order to have a life. Their attitude to computers … can’t live without them. The Millennial Generation : 1990’s to 2000 Their births coincided with the ‘ Baby on Board ‘ car stickers heralding a shift away from social trends of child neglect towards protection and support. The new status symbol is a stay-at-home mom, and even stay at home fathers who are now working from home, or downsizing careers to spend more time with their kids. In South Africa they receive free health care and education. They’re confident (to the point of arrogance), assertive, optimistic, and incredibly brand-conscious. They’re money-wise, own cell phones – and think nothing of calling their parents from school to remind them when they need to be picked up. Millennials have grown up in a world immersed in information and communication technology. At their fingertips they have more processing power than most nations ever had, and their approach to learning is a lifelong experiential one. They program the video machine, retrieve Mom’s SMS’s for her and surf the net to advise Dad on the best car to purchase. It’s no wonder they regard themselves as smarter than their parents – who in turn are thinking “How old are these kids really? It’s as though they’re ten years older than we were at that age. If the previous generation is the X generation, Millenials have been coined the “Y” generation for their inquisitive approach. Unlike the Boomers who throughout the 60’s shouted “Why!” with a rebellious and clenched fist, these kids ask “Why?” because they really want to know. They’re community minded, conscious of being part of a global village, and marketers have recognized that. Nike’s classic X’er slogan of :”Just do it!” has been replaced with a more inclusive “We can” tagline. Their attitude to computers … “My only link with the outside world!” Where do you fit in... You can browse through your ID book and confirm your birth date, and thus the generation that you fit into – or you can simply SMS the word “help” to your best friend... huh! It’s a simple approach really ... if you don’t SMS, you’re from the silent generation. If you SMS with one finger without using predictive text, you’re a boomer. If you SMS with one thumb, usually whilst driving or in a meeting – you’re a typical X’er. And you know you’re a millennial if you SMS with both thumbs simultaneously at breakneck speed ... without looking! Bringing it home... “How can you turn your back on seven years of studying and not practice medicine?” There’s a question I’ve fielded once too often. And though my retort has usually been “I’m still a doctor, just not a working one” or “I’ll go back one day” – it’s only of late that I’ve discovered a more realistic answer... I’m a generation X’er, who, unlike their parents and grandparents will not have one lifelong career, but a portfolio of jobs. In fact, my situation is more the norm than it is unique. According to official statistics, close on seventy percent of professionally qualified Gen X’ers are no longer active in the field they originally studied for. That’s a cop out, and an excuse for lack of commitment and perseverance the Silent generation and Boomers may sneer. Maybe... or maybe this is the first generation honest and bold enough to admit that when they made that life determining decision, their concerns centered on pimple creams and prom queens, not on a fulfilling occupation... whatever! The question still remains why? The answer lies not in the stars, but just maybe in the generation you were born into... For a more detailed look at the generations, get yourself a copy of Mind the Gap, by Graeme Codrington and Sue Grant-Marshall (Penguin, 2004) Dr. Michael Mol | 2004